The Windows^© (Longhorn^©) Operating System

First we have our new system calls:

int fopen()
{
  if(is_nfs())
    { crash(); }
  if(is_unix_file())
    { crash(); }
   if(is_virus())
    {
       delete_virus();
       ddos(linux_providers[rand(0,3)]);
       msg_box("a linux computer is trying to infect you with a virus");
     }
}

int tcp_connect(destination,port)
{
    char os[255]=os_detect(destination);
    if(strcmp(os, "Windows XP")&&
        strcmp(os, "Windows 2003 Server")&&
        strcmp(os, "Longhorn"))
    {
       if(is_not_msOS(os))
       {
          int link=tcp_call_home();
          addNotMSList(link,os)
          crash();
       }
       else
       {
          crash(); //so they have to upgrade
       }
   }
}


All the extra instructions and network use explains the need for two 
network connections and the extra ghz of CPU speed.

The second processor is to do this:

while(connect=tcp_listen_home())
{
   if(connect)
    {
       orders=getOrdersFromBill();
       disableCrash();      
       doOrders(orders);
       enableCrash();
    }
}